


Fated To Be Weird-Gets Weirder

by The_Muse



Category: Teen Wolf (TV), Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: F/M, Gen, Its a Choose Your Own Adventure sort of deal, M/M, Many alternate universes, Many one shots, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:49:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,336
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27703712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Muse/pseuds/The_Muse
Summary: A series of one shots with plots recommended by you readers! Anything goes in those one shot series its a different take each chapter. Any pairing that you wish for, any bit of plot. Lets make the Fated To Be Weird (original story) fun again!
Relationships: Derek Hale/Edward Cullen/Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Edward Cullen/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 3
Kudos: 8





	1. Who You Should Be. Who You Want To Be.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PrincessaBitchessa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessaBitchessa/gifts), [Samster85](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samster85/gifts), [prairiedale](https://archiveofourown.org/users/prairiedale/gifts), [SebastianRyan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SebastianRyan/gifts).



Chapter one is number one of three recommended by PrincessaBitchessa.

“What if he chooses Edward and Derek just stalks him until he dies a Shakespearean death.”

He might not die here but he will be rather dramatic.

* * *

In the end, Stiles decides he doesn’t want to go back. Bella said something to him something about choosing who he wants to be rather than who he should be. Stiles should go back to Beacon Hills after graduation and continue to help Scott and the pack and give his everything for the cause and probably die in the process.

Dying isn’t the part that scares him, its going back and everything going back to how it had been when he was still there dealing with and taking in all of their everything and dealing with it in silence. They cared, sure they did, but it wasn’t beyond what he could do for them and Scott loved him, sure but Scott always forgot about Stiles when he met “the love of his life,” this time not so much Allison, who’d given him the boot and had run off to France with her dad but now a new girl he couldn’t stop talking about. He hadn’t asked Stiles anything about his life in Forks now that he was with someone else and he assumed that Stiles would come back and everything would go back to the way that it had been before but-

-but

Stiles wasn’t the person that he was. He had friends who cared about his interests in Forks, people who didn’t just deal with him but wanted him around. Mike, Tyler and Ben liked having Stiles around, they liked listening to him talk about the weird things that popped into his head at random and about comic books, they liked that he was energetic and loud and they didn’t seem to care that they were above him in the social ladder and that he just barely made it to the first step. He didn’t have to be a jock to feel validated with the guys and he didn’t need to dumb himself down to earn their respect. 

The girls were different with him too, Jessica was loud and giggly and liked to cling to him and Angela like liked him but didn’t bring it up and didn’t want to make it awkward and was steadily growing out of her like like and was a sweet balm to the silent heart ache he seemed to feel whenever he remembered his old friends or whenever he got a random call from them. Bella was the same, she was his cousin so she had to be near him but she seemed to genuinely enjoy Stiles company and he got her to overcome her bouts of awkward quiet and she seemed to bring him down when he was being too much.

And Lauren?

Lauren.

She was the beat of his heart, the apple of his eye and the best thing that could have ever happened to him. Lauren made the days bright and made him laugh and perpetually gave back as good as he gave and despite not having a lot in common she was always willing to give the things he liked a try. If he liked girls in a genuine romantic way and not in the distant way he had “loved” Lydia then he would have loved Lauren like that. As it was she was the platonic love of his life, his platonic life mate and the thought of leaving the tiny pixie haired blonde and going back to Beacon Hills broke his heart. If he did go back he’d tuck her into his pocket kicking and screaming just to make it all the better.

Because the thought of Lauren anywhere near the pack was hilarious but also terrifying. She wouldn’t care that they were werewolves and that there was danger because to Lauren, Stiles was her number one and needed to be cherished. That was from her mouth, she loved Stiles she really did and she couldn’t stand any of his old friends.

Maybe Derek, but she was on the fence with Derek. It didn’t matter that he was older it mattered that he liked to push Stiles around and loom and threaten without speaking a word.

”Honestly, if you had to choose between those morons then...Cullen is the lesser of two evils.”

”Really?”

”I mean, Edward is annoying and creepy but Derek is quiet and intense and creepy and he still talks to those old friends of yours like he’s close and wants to take you back there. If Derek actually cared about you he wouldn’t demand you go back every time he sees you.”

Which was right. Edward told Stiles that he would support his decision no matter what, he wasn’t going to keep Stiles where he wasn’t happy but Derek needed Stiles to go back, he said, the pack needed Stiles there like he was the glue holding them together. That wasn’t true. Most of the pack dealt with Stiles and ignored him usually, made fun of him constantly and sure, it was fun being sarcastic back but at the same time there was only so much sarcasm Stiles could use and so much ignoring he could do, pretending that they didn’t really notice if he was with them or not.

And Derek?

Derek was beautiful and smart, he was strong and kind when he wanted to be but he was closed off, too hurt by everything to let anyone in and Stiles imagined choosing Derek in a romantic way leading to heartache before being able to chip away at all his protective layers. No one should have to work that hard and Stiles was too young to commit himself to a man that loved Stiles just enough to be with him but not enough to willingly let him in and would make him wait.

Stiles didn’t _want_ to wait.

So when he said yes to going out with Edward he didn’t feel all that guilty about it. Edward smiled brightly and almost seemed normal and he leaned in, like the idiot he’d been when he did it the very first time, and gave him a peck.

”Thats all I feel comfortable doing in public.” Edward had said. “I mean, I’ve never done this before.” 

Edward was so happy that he seemed to nearly bounce on his feet and the grin wouldn’t slide off of his face.

”I am excited.” He said reading Stiles mind, placing an arm around his shoulder and giving Stiles a questioning look. “Is this alright?”

”The arm? Sure. The mind reading? No.”

”I can’t really help it.” Edward says a little bashful with that crooked grin and Stiles thinks, yeah I made the right choice.

His friends are waiting for him in the parking lot leaned against Tyler’s van laughing at something that Ben has said, Jessica and surprisingly, Bella are the loudest. Angela gives them a small wave to counter Mike’s swinging arm in hello, and Lauren rolls her eyes at them when they get close enough, gives Edward the stink eye until he drops his arm and she replaces the arm around Stiles shoulder with hers.

But she does smile when Edward takes Stiles had and doesn’t mention it and Stiles ignores Derek’s distant stares where he knows he’s watching from a distance, strengthens Edward’s cold grip and doesn’t feel an ounce of sympathy for Derek when he feels Derek’s presence suddenly vanish.

There will always be werewolves in Beacon Hills, there will always be danger and the pack fighting and Derek Hale living like half a man alive and Stiles might have wanted to be with Derek in the past and maybe he might have been able to bring him out of his own sadness and guilt without thinking about his own wellbeing but Stiles is happy where he is, in a watery little town in Washington that still hadn’t made it on the maps, surrounded by his friends, with a feeling of of belonging.

”Do you think you’ll regret it?” Lauren whispers in his ear and Stiles shakes his head.

”Whats to regret?”

* * *

Derek goes back home. He goes back home without Stiles, completely heartbroken. He doesn’t make a dramatic speech to Stiles before he leaves, he doesn’t beg for him to go back.

”He looked happy.” Derek says to the pack a week later, staring out the large windows of his loft, the rain making shadowy patterns across his face. 

* * *

Well this was a dramatic opening to this one shot series. I didn’t have a Shakespearean death but I mean, he’s still incredibly dramatically heartbroken so theres that.


	2. Episodes with Lauren

Samster85! This is a funny one and I hope you enjoy it.

”I vote stay human and on fun college adventures with Lauren.“

Stiles chooses Lauren and they go on a college adventure!

In Parts.

Lauren pokes Stiles awake and uses the end of her jacket sleeve to wipe away the drool at the corner of his mouth. Whoever told them that 8AM classes were the way to go were evil and needed to die.

”How is it possible that we’re this exhausted? We were just in high school, we’re used to waking up early for school.”

The St*rbucks is crowded, the smell of coffee that had once been so welcoming was beginning to make them nauseous and the once comfortable chairs they were sat in had started being a literal pain in the ass. Lauren tosses the remnants of her Americano and follows Stiles out of the glass doors in to cool fresh air, taking his hand and slightly swaying.

”This is ridiculous.” She continues. “I feel like a zombie.”

”Please don’t eat me.” He whines just a little, bleary eyed and pissed. “I hate this. I hate this so much. College was supposed to be fun.”

”Says who?”

”People who have gone?”

”People who are obviously liars, you mean.”

They’d been doing the college thing for a few months, had gotten letters and phone calls from their friends and while it was a bit lonely, being just the two of them in New York, they didn’t really regret the decision to leave. Stiles dad and his uncle Charlie were happy about the move. The further away from Beacon Hills the better but for Lauren’s mom? Lauren’s mom had an attack, suddenly stricken with the vapors enough that she’d had to make good use of her hideous chaise lounge and had cried that her daughter was leaving her.

”You could stay,” Her mother had said and had then proceeded the guilt trip starting from a grueling twenty hour labor to Lauren not being able to make it on her own. “You never learned to take care of yourself. Why do you need to go so far away theres still so much here.”

And then she’d tried, for the last few weeks of summer, to introduce Lauren to as many eligible young men with money as she could in hopes that Lauren would choose some guy to stay with in the hopes of being married wealthy.

”Sweetheart isn’t he so handsome?” She would start.

Lauren didn’t take the bait, she’d grown enough that she wanted to be independent and she had studied too hard under the strict thumb of Edward Cullen to just throw all her hard work away and stay in Forks. There was nothing wrong with the community college and she might have gone had she not gotten into NYU but her mother had treated the possibility like it was a stepping stone, something to do before she met the right kind of man and settled down rich.

Stiles had called Lauren’s mom a trip.

”What is this? Marrying some guy for wealth and prestige. I feel like we’re living in some antiquated drama.”

”Thats my mom.” 

Lauren has only a moment of sadness but exhaustion takes over and she hauls Stiles towards her dorm for a nap. 

Fuck studying right now, fuck homework. Their brains are mush in their skulls and their eyes are burning.

* * *

Lauren doesn’t know exactly what Stiles got down to in Beacon Hills-ugh-she still spits on the ground whenever she thinks about that place and what it had done to her friend. Anyway she doesn’t know what went down, she’s met Erica and Jackson and she got to know Derek but there was just something off about them. They almost seemed animalistic with how picky they were with smells and how they walked like they were stalking prey.

She knows that it was bad that there was something that was big that she was missing because Stiles didn’t want her involved and she sees him coming apart because of some guy standing in front of them, steam rolling off of his bare shoulders and chest and eyes looking positively deadly as he watched them.

”What does me mean by pack, Stiles?” Lauren’s mouth goes dry, she inclines her head to Stiles but doesn’t look away. This guy reminds her of Derek and the others in a distant way. 

“He doesn’t mean anything. I mean,” Stiles steps forward. “I understand. I wont be back again.”

”What?! He’s kicking you out of a bar? Why is he kicking you out of the bar?”

Stiles and the angry steamy man ignore her and the man inclines his head and huffs before stalking back inside.

”What the hell was that?”

”Nothing much. Just an old...acquaintance of Derek’s that doesn’t like his friends much. It’s happened a few times.”

”What the hell did Derek do?”

Stiles takes her hand and pulls her towards her Mazda and he doesn’t really say anything. Lauren can call Derek, she still has his number but she feels like he’ll ignore her and then tell her to mind her own business. If she were braver she’d go into that bar and demand from the steamy man just what the fuck he meant by Stiles not being welcome because he belonged to another pack.

And what did that mean?

Their driving back towards campus when Lauren asks Stiles if she wants to know. He says no and she believes him.

* * *

”I had sex with Tyler.” 

Its Tuesday morning. The sun is bright. Classes still suck. Lauren’s hangover pounds in her skull because she’d lost Stiles at the Sigma who gives a fuck party last night and now...

Now...

She isn’t even angry as Stiles very guiltily sits before her holding his cup of coffee like a shield she just laughs, hard and loud and her stomach hurts by the times she stops and Stiles looks terrified.

”So,” she leans forward and delights when he jumps back, coffee sloshing out the top of his cup. “How was it? I never had the pleasure.”

”Stop.” 

“No. No. Really. Is it big?”

”I thought that you would be mad,” He says. “I hate you so much.”

Thing is that Lauren had liked Tyler when they dated, he was fun and kind and sweet but she’d never really felt that whoa when it came to him she never wanted to give it up to him because she didn’t think that she cared the way that she should. When she set them up on Lets Get Stiles To Care About Himself dates she didn’t particularly care that her ex was on a date with her friend.

If anything she understood that Tyler was the best possible person for the job because Stiles deserved the best and Tyler was the best just not the best for her.

And now she’s happy. Happy because this meant that Stiles had let the torch that he was carrying for Derek die out and that he was over the tiny thing with Edward. 

“Aw, no don’t hate me. I’m happy for you!” She winces. “Damn it my head.”

”You’re not mad?”

”No, stupid. I’m proud.”

* * *

Lauren flourishes in New York she opens up and thrives and Stiles thrives right along with her. College is harder than she thought it would be and its the first time Stiles struggles in his classes that he says he’s been somewhat humbled by the experience. Everything is so different but they have each other even if Stiles bangs his way through school and Lauren hits the books like a fiend trying harder than she’s ever tried to succeed.

”Dad’s coming up.” Stiles says excitedly, walking right into Lauren’s door room and giving Penny, Lauren’s roommate a nod in hello ignoring her eye roll. “C’mon look excited!”

Lauren’s never really met Mister Stilinski. She’d said hello at graduation sure, she was in all of the graduation pictures with Stiles and him but then so had all of their friends but there was something so intimidating about meeting the man that raised her best friend, she wants to make an impression and she’s not sure she can really make a good one. 

She says this to Stiles who makes this face that she hates, the one that says that he thinks shes too cute for words with a tiny little pout. She throws a book at him, he catches it and laughs.

”It feels like I’m meeting my boyfriends dad, thats how nervous I am.”

”Aren’t you?” Jenny, who hadn’t left and is leaning against her headboard asks, confused. 

“We’re not together like that.” Stiles says and Jenny makes a face.

”Are you fucking kidding me? I’ve been sexiling myself for nothing?”

”Well, not for nothing, I mean we needed the space and thank you?”

”I hate you Stilinski.” Jenny stands up and stretches, the hem of her belly shirt rising showing soft belly. “All this time we all could have been hanging out. Whatever.” She walks out and Stiles pokes the side of Lauren’s face breaking the spell Lauren had been under watching Jenny sway off.

”She’s really pretty. How do you live?”

”I live in denial.” Lauren says. “And a copious amount of books. All I do is study and hang out with you. It makes it pretty easy to be busy which is weird since we’ve been banned from all the major restaurants and bars because of something with Derek Hale. You’ll tell me one day, right?”

”When its right.”

* * *

Mister Stilinski is a hugger and Lauren loves it. He and Stiles don’t look a like but the hugging and the snark are all the same and she fits right in.

”So, you two.” He starts and Stiles rolls his eyes. 

Lauren and Stiles had been anticipating this question since they’d been bear hugged at the airport and now, over Thai food in Mister Stilinski’s hotel room, their getting the beginnings of the third degree.

“Dad. No. She’s my bestie with none of the romance.” He says.

“Really? You talk about her so much I started wondering if I should call my mother and ask her to send the ring.”

”Well,” Lauren starts. “I wouldn’t be opposed.” She plays along. “Stiles is just so sweet and kind and handsome that sometimes I forget that he isn’t madly in love with me.”

”Hold hope.” Mister Stilinski grins and gives Stiles the eyes. “Any day now he’ll admit his feelings and we can have a huge wedding.”

”Oh! In Poland, right? A destination wedding.”

“You’re going to make an honest man of him. I approve. Even my mother approves. I told her everything.”

“Even babica? Oh...oh you guys suck.”

* * *

They don’t get married in Poland. They don’t get engaged though Mister Stilinski and Lauren rib at Stiles about it throughout Mister Stilinski’s visit. There are baby pictures showed off, stories about Stiles childhood but Lauren notes that they don’t take about high school before Stiles moved to Forks. Its odd but she’s used to odd.

”So its pretty tough.” Mister Stilinski meets with Lauren for lunch after her class, Stiles unfortunately too busy with a report to join them until dinner. Lauren nods and the easy way that Mister Stilinski had snuck up on her was so like Stiles that she’s immediately comfortable with him around and will be sad to see him go.

She says this and Mister Stilinski does that thing that Stiles does when he’s nervous.

”Well, about that.” He starts. “Can you keep a secret?”

* * *

Years of college pass by in a torturous blur. Mister Stilinski-John, call me John, had been living in New York just as long as they had been there and Stiles had been living with his dad after freshman year of college and had been the happiest he’d ever been. Lauren had stuck it out in the dorms, determined to be as close to school as possible, trying her best to stay the course with her studies and it hadn’t been as hard as she had initially thought it would be despite how much and how long her mother told her that she would fail and that she should go back to Forks before she did.

High school had been eons ago, they both grew and changed and now it was times to see it all go. There had been odd times, when she’d been accosted by people with weird eyes the kind of contacts that almost made their eyes glow and weirdos with prosthetics and fake claws. Maybe real, but Stiles told her it was better to forget so she had.

”So, four years.” Stiles says adjusting his cap nervously. “What are we gonna do now?”

She shrugs.

”Well, I was thinking.”

”Not a good thing.”

“Shut up.” She yanks on his ear. “I was thinking. We’ve never vacationed before.”

”Ohhhh no we haven’t.” Stiles excitedly says and she can see his brain working up to a frenzy with suggestions. “Where do you wanna go?”

”How long has it been since you’ve seen your family?”

* * *

Sorry that this wasn’t better but I wanted it in parts in case I wanted to go back later to fill it in more. And yes, Stiles and Lauren go to Poland but thats a whole other adventure right there.


	3. With Derek

For prairiedale

”Stiles should always choose Derek ❤️”

And he will. With some conditions.

Derek is elated but of course he doesn’t show it. Emotions are hard for Derek and he’s feeling so much right now that he doesn’t know how to show Stiles how happy he is. Emily calls Derek stunted but she doesn’t say it meanly, she’s a good friend and she seems to understand a part of him that he wont acknowledge and even Sam nods in understanding and doesn’t make a face when Derek shows up to the cabin in the middle of the night out of sorts because Stiles chose him and now he doesn’t know what to do with that. With winning.

”He doesn’t want to go back to Beacon Hills.” Derek says and Sam, sat across from Derek at the table nursing his lukewarm coffee gives him this look.

”That place is terrible. You shouldn’t want to go back either.” He says. 

“But my pack-”

”Is graduating high school in a few months and are all leaving. Didn’t you say that there were other packs living there to? Why not just hand over the mantle of alpha of alphas of the territory?”

Stiles had said the same thing and Emily had echoed those thoughts too when Derek had told her. It’s just hard, saying goodbye to everything and moving on. Derek hasn’t had to move on since he was fifteen and Kate burned his family to ashes.

”Derek,” Emily lays a plate of steaming pancakes in front of him. “You need to figure out if Stiles is worth moving on for. If there are other packs then there are other alphas.”

”You can start over here before Stiles goes to New York and you follow.”

Thats what Stiles had said too, angry that Derek had gone quiet when Stiles asked him to stay. It wasn’t really abandoning the pack if he could leave them with one of the other alphas, Satomi would be happy to take them in and add to the numbers of her own pack, she was trustworthy.

”This is so much, too much change in so little time.”

”You’re being stupid.” Emily cuffs the back of his head. “You don’t see it, do you? You’ve changed since you’ve gotten here and I think its for the better. Stiles could have chosen Cullen and Cullen would have done everything to make him happy. So why can’t you?”

”Just talk to him. Figure it out and for Christs sake just be happy. Don’t you think it’s time to be happy?” Sam pulls a dry pancake off of Derek’s plate and eats it.

* * *

The plan is for Derek to go back to Beacon Hills and get his affairs in order, set up the pack with a new alpha, trust Satomi to take care of the territory in his stead and leave. It’s harder for Derek than it is with Stiles, to be separated but Stiles has people here that he loves and who care for him so of course he deals with it better.

Derek has no one who cares about him back home. It shouldn’t be hard for him to leave it all behind.

”Are you gonna be okay?” Stiles asks as he watches Derek load up the car.

”No.” Derek says honestly, nervous at the thought of moving on and trying to be happy. The nervousness melts away when he looks at Stiles and he wonders why he was so indecisive before. Sam and Emily were right, he is an idiot. “But I will be.”

They kiss as the sun sets and Derek feels something move into place inside of him. Its his heart, beating with renewed purpose.


	4. Three’s Company

SebastianRyan

Woo boy! This one is going to be a doozy! This one if for anyone who would have wanted to see these two knuckleheads (Edward and Derek) decide that instead of fighting to win Stiles heart solely to just enter into a relationship with him as partners. Thats right, ya’ll, we’re getting poly!

“We’re gonna need a bigger bed.” Stiles says as he and Derek put down their dufflebags. Edward’s room is decked out with a large king sized bed, curtains to keep the sun from peeking in harshly in the mornings and Derek and Stiles who nervously stand at the mouth of the bedroom. Derek by the door completely out of depth and Stiles figuring logistics.

Neither of them are sure how this happened exactly, one moment Derek and Edward are arguing in the meadow about Stiles as Stiles shouted at them to stop being brutish idiots and shoving them and the next...

The next...

”You had sex with them, didn’t you?” Lauren has asked as soon as he’d gotten out of Bella’s truck a few days before, dragging him away from a curious Bella and their curious friends and shoving him into her car. “OH MY GOD YOU DID?!?!?!”

”Well, in what way do you mean sex? Like penetration or...other stuff.”

”Did Edward Cullen suck your dick? Did Derek? Did they do stuff to eachother and did you watch? Was it all three and how did that work and oh my God, which one has the bigger dick? Stiles I don’t have sex with, like, anyone and I need to know.”

”Lauren, its not my fault that you’ve chosen to remain a virgin for reasons. OKay. Can we not about my sex life.”

”I’m not a virgin, Stiles.” She says much to Stiles shock. “Okay, so, if I tell you mine will you tell me yours?”

He agrees and regrets it immediately.

”OH MY GOD... _BELLA?!_ ”

”Why do you think I hate her. I mean, she could have called.”

So here the three are, a week later in Edward’s bedroom, his family having made themselves scarce (Jasper being the worst one had left them a fishbowl full of condoms) and they had no idea how to do any of this.

”Stiles, stop pacing. You’re making Derek nervous.” Edward says and Stiles turns back to apologize. Derek’s shoulders sag a bit he looks a little calmer.

”Dude, you coulda told me.” He says and Derek shrugs. 

“Words aren’t my strong suit.” He says.

”Which is a good thing that I’m here.” Edward says with a wink. “I’m great at it.”

”You’re both pretty incredible.” Stiles says without thinking and then turns purple at the implication and just remembering that day in the meadow and how, by the time they were done it was well past midnight. “Um, I mean not that.”

Derek grins roguishly and Edward’s grin turns crooked.

”You meant it Stiles.” Derek says because of course he used his senses and Edward nods because of course he used his mind reading.

”I’ve made a terrible mistake.” Stiles lies, embarrassed and a little charmed by his idiot boyfriends.

”Holy shit.”

”What is it?”

”I have boyfriends!” Stiles woops and punches the air. “I couldn’t get a date in Beacon Hills if my life depended on it and now I have two of the hottest men on Earth wanting all of this. I want to tell everyone!”

Edward lowers Stiles hands and gives Derek a look over Stiles shoulder.

”Well maybe not everyone yet. Derek’s twenty two and I’m over one hundred years old. There are legalities.”

”Oh.” Stiles deflates. “Oh okay. I can wait.”

Derek snorts.

”No you can’t.” Edward supplies Derek’s thoughts. “Really?” He asks Derek, who is leaning against the doorframe silently laughing. “He did that?”

”What are you two not talking about?” Stiles looks from Edward to Derek. 

“Miguel?”

”Oh shut up I wast panicking.”

* * *

Derek’s body is molten in temperature, all hard muscles and a little hairy (Stiles suspects a trimming or waxing regime but he wont say it outloud despite how much Edward, over Derek’s shoulder, nods in agreement) while Edward is lithe and pale, smooth like marble and cold to the touch. It should be off putting, the extremes in body temperature but Stiles likes it, a bit. 

Okay he likes it a lot.

”So,” Stiles is a little awkward, sitting cross legged in the middle of Edward’s new bed. “How do we do this?”

”What do you mean?” Edward asks and Derek looks pained and flushed as he turns away. Edward huffs a bit of a laugh. “I agree.”

”What do you agree with?” Stiles asks.

”Derek reminded me that we did just fine last time even with the spurs sticking to, what was it dear?” 

Derek growls as his ears turn red.

”My ass.”

Stiles bursts out laughing remembering that and Edward shakes his head.

”Fuzzy butt,” Stiles says. “If you’re gonna wax anything you might wanna start there.”

”Stop.” Derek’s teeth grow to fangs as he gnashes. “Don’t.”

”Well I mean, if it is going to be an issue then I don’t see the problem.” Edward teases and Derek, in his illegally tight black briefs, falls embarrassed onto the bed face first. “I mean, we don’t mind at all.”

”Not a bit. We like the fuzz.”

”Indeed.” Edward edges closer to them. “Oh stop that it isn’t disgusting.”

”He thinks its gross?” Stiles pokes the back of Derek’s head. “You think it’s gross. Derek no, you are just...holy shit I haven’t the words, okay. There is nothing gross about you.”

”I agree.” Edward says though he does tease Derek by pulling on Derek’s briefs and letting it snap back hard on his backside.

Derek looks over his shoulder at Edward and growls with red eyes and wolfed out face.

”Don’t look at me like that Derek. You certainly didn’t mind our teasing last week.”

Derek turned redder and Stiles cackles.

”Oh yeah. This is gonna work out just fine.”


	5. The Abomination

Um so RazzyStar has a very odd very weird very curious suggestion;

OH! OH OH OH can we get one where Lauren accidentally gets with Edward and the two of them didn’t even realize it happened? Stiles ends up with Derek of course but the main focus is Lauren and Edward being a couple by accident and they hate that they love it? Tsundere Lauren is the best!

How do I? Can I? Will anyone read-?

Ya’ll. This one is going to be a lot. Can anyone say crack?

* * *

They don’t even realize that this is a thing, not well into their relationship. Stiles thinks that Lauren hadn’t even realized that she’d done it and that Edward was so bad at feelings that he assumed it was nothing more than a normal way to say hello and goodbye. For being one hundred plus and seeing a lot of things he certainly didn’t know how to anything in regards to the feelings department. Stiles wondered what might happen if they had sex and how they’d be able to deny deny deny feelings on that front but knowing them both they might be able to manage it.

Yikes.

”Did you get that-?”

”Of course. I don’t forget so easily.”

”Sure you don’t. Like the time with my dad-“

”I was only ten minutes late. Why do you have to hold that against me?”

Stiles looks at Jessica and Jessica rolls her eyes at how stupid it all is. Edward was sitting with them, not touching anything on his plate, he’d brought Lauren something homemade and obviously something by request, they were touching shoulders and Lauren seemed to not care about the closeness. And when Edward had sat down he’d accepted her kiss hello and Mike had fake gagged.

”Okay,” Mike started and Tyler ribbed his side to stop him but he would not be deterred. “When did this happen?”

”When did what happen?” Lauren asks and its then that Edward, mind reader unable to turn it off actually pays attention to the brains at the table and seems to go paler. 

Looks like he’s finally understood whats happening. Good. It was becoming painful to watch him and his ignorance.

”When did you and Cullen,” Mike makes weird hand gestures. “You know, get together?”

”We’re not together.” Lauren says as she starts on her eggplant parmesan. “We’re civil.”

”Civil? You kiss people when you’re civil?” 

Ben snorts.

”I wonder what she does when she hates someone?”

”Lets ask Bella. So, Bella?”

Bella shakes her head and looks highly uncomfortable. The guy she likes that she thought likes her ended up falling for her cousin, who rejected him and in turn the guy, instead of liking her again ends up unknowingly dating her school rival.

What. The. Fuck. Am I right?

”Stop.”

”We’re not dating.” Lauren gets a little defensive like the wheels have started turning and she’s seeing the light for the first time and she turns to Edward, and sounding like an annoying and pissy girlfriend says; “How could you not tell me?”

”I hadn’t the foggiest idea of it either. I didn’t really mind the kissing because I saw you did it often with Stiles when saying hello or goodbye or just because the fancy hit you.”

Stiles clears his throat, this is far too amusing.

”Yeah buddy. About that. She kisses me on the cheek, just the cheek. She’s never gone anywhere near these lips and honestly? I’m a little offended.”

”Oh shut up.” Lauren turns magenta and then turns back to Edward, turns a deeper shade of angry and embarrassed. “Oh God.”

”I thought that you were being friendly,” Edward says. “I thought that you had given up your great dislike for me. I had no-Lauren I didn’t know either.”

If Edward could blush he’d look like a ripe tomato, he looked small and normal and embarrassed and it was weirdly cute. 

“Lauren,” Angela, sweet sweet Angela breaks the tension. “You really had no idea?”

”None.”

”You two go out a lot together.” Angela says softly, like she’s trying to get Lauren to see everything clearly in the calmest way imaginable. 

“With Stiles and Derek! All the time.”

”Twice.” Stiles says. “We all went out twice and never again after the second time after Edward and Derek started loudly bitching each other out at the movies.”

“In my defense-“

Lauren yanks on Edward’s ear and says; “Hush.”

”Hush? Why should I hush? It was an argument that happened one month ago and I was right.”

”You’re getting all huffy about it again. Stop it. Derek’s not even here.”

”And that matters how? I was correct then and now.”

Lauren turns away angry and Edward turns in the other direction just as upset and Stiles loves it. He loves it he adores this moment these two.

How the hell are these two so perfect or each other and hilarious?

Edward reads Stiles thoughts and turns paler, unable to blush.

”God, the sex must be awesome.” Jessica says to Tyler and the two cackle, poor Bella sat between them turns bright pink and Angela just rolls her eyes. “I bet its electric.”

”So hot.” Tyler says.

”I wonder who gets to be on top?” Bella asks in a tiny voice surprising everyone and Jessica bellows out;

”That boy is a bottom!”

And the table roars with laughter, all except Lauren and Edward. Even Angela is caught in a fit of laughter with everyone else, leaning against Ben.

”You are all terrible friends!” Lauren stands up and grabs her bag. “We’re not dealing with this.” She walks off and stops after a few feet.

Everyone is trying to hold their laughter back as they stare at Edward who is just lost in his own head.

”Edward!” Lauren snaps and he looks up. She gestures to the doors outside and he stands up and follows behind her just as confused as he’d been when it had all started.

”This is the weirdest thing thats ever happened." Jessica says to the table, the Cullen’s at their regular spot hadn’t stopped laughing since Lauren had made a scene and Edward had followed like a lost little puppy.

”I don’t know. Opposites do attract.”


End file.
